Checking Your Emotional Baggage at the Door

Making our way out the door down to my car I ask Nick, "Do you want to drive?"

"Sure," he says holding out his hand for my keys.

His eyes get wide as he says, "Holy shit, what do all of these keys belong to?" as I hand him my key chain of about 15 keys.

I furled my eyebrows, wrinkled my nose and stopped dead in my tracks, "Heh. I have no idea." And as we drove I stared at that key chain wondering how I accumulated so many keys without knowing where a single one belonged or how it got there.

How many times do we accumulate emotional baggage from previous relationships and carry it around with us like a monkey on our backs? And years and years go by when one day it can no longer go unnoticed but you can only scratch your head and wonder where it all came from. That is the moment of revelation I had when Nick inquired about my accumulation of keys, always being carried around with me without giving it a second thought. Yet it became a part of me and a burden I chose to carry even though I no longer needed to, for whatever those keys belonged to...the old houses, cars and locks, they were long gone.

And each time Nick took those keys, whether it was to drive or open the house, he would promptly hand them back to me not wanting to hold onto the weight they placed in his pocket. Essentially saying, I want no part of this baggage in your life.

So on Nick's birthday I created a clue-like scavenger hunt for him to find his birthday present. Each clue was a question about "1st's" in our relationship..."What you cooked on our first date," "Where we sat the first time you kissed me..." and at the end he found a watch. After his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree I handed him my keys to drive to dinner. He looked at me, smirked and nodded as the key chain now only held 3 keys.

1sts--the beginning of something amazing
watch--we have nothing but time
3 keys--I have lifted the weight of my emotional baggage off my shoulders to start fresh

And you know what? That night, once we arrived at the restaurant, he placed the keys in his pocket and has done so every time since.

First Love's: Who Was Yours?

I was 17 years old when I met the first guy I ever fell in love with. We were set up by friends and I liked him as soon as I saw him, but I had never been in love before, so it was the furthest thing from my mind.

I remember a month into dating he handed me a note (folded in a triangle, remember that?) and asked me not to read it with him there. So I waited until he left and was amazed to learn that he was in love with me. And even then, it didn't immediately suck me in. He was definitely good looking and incredibly nice, but was that enough to hand my heart over?

It took me another few weeks before it sunk in and I realized I was in love with him too. I remember when he sent me a dozen red roses to my work: "Although we're miles apart, you're always close in my heart" is how the card attached read. This guy had me completely smitten (later, he also became the reason why I do not like red roses.)

For most of our 1 year relationship I was in my Freshman year of college and he was a senior in high school; our lives were completely different. Yet, he was my world. Until, of course, he joined a gang and cheated on me. Yeah, that kind of screws everything up.

Yet I still have pictures of my very first "real" boyfriend and look at them and how innocent and naive I was in my first experience with love (Not to mention the really bad hair.) I've learned a lot since then, yet every time I look at Nick, I feel like he is the only love I have ever known (and everyone collectively says awww.)

Who was your first love and what was that experience like for you?

Things I Don't Understand About Men

Last night while on the phone with Nick listening to silence for about 10 minutes, my mind began to wander as I thought about things I don't understand about men. For one, why want to talk to a girl on the phone, yet have nothing to say? It's kind of an awkward thing, no?

The below questions my mind relayed out to the universe have not happened with Nick, but certainly happened with ghosts of dates past:

Where in the book of dating does it say it is completely appropriate on a first date to use a coupon so that you don't have to pay full price for our meal?

What would make you believe it is OK to ask me on our first date what I wear to bed (and subsequently ask if I am going home with you?)

Heavens to Betsey, no, I don't want to know that sometimes you can't perform.

Without prior discussion, how is it OK to ask me to come on the webcam only to reveal your ridiculously small penis?

Demands for sex by the third date before you have even had a first date.

Really? The first time we talk on the phone you want to disclose the number of women you have stood up?

Sure, it's OK to drop your draws and pee on a wall because you can't hold it until you get home.

Why is it OK at a bar completely legit to grope me, but in daylight a man would not do such a thing?

Finally, when you say you want to share secrets with me, I don't really want to know about the threesome you had where you actually enjoyed the guy more than the girl.

What is it you don't understand about men (or women for that matter?)

It's Not the Size That Matters, It's How You Use It

Nothing like MasterDater outing you as a big dick lover, but that is just as surprising to people who know me as it is Ricky Martin finally admitting he is gay.

Several months ago Mike and I had a discussion on a guy's size. Mike was insisting that he was gifted to be larger than the average guy, I shook my head in disbelief. I shared my pre-marriage dating years of guy's around a 7 or 8 but that in the last few years the guy's I have dated, with the exception of 2, were very much on the small side (like 3 or 4. Dude.) That's when the debate began regarding if men who are well endowed are better lovers than guys who are not.

I remember when I met the heartbreaker, he was 5'8" and without an ounce of fat on his body. He always wore very baggy pants and I automatically assumed he was small to average. Imagine my surprise when I thought he was pulling a water hose out of his pants the first time we had sex. I swear to you that he had to be 10-12 inches, no lie. I often joked with him that he was hitting my belly button when we had sex. However, a better lover he did not make. He definitely had potential and things definitely felt good, but it was a bit lackluster.

Guy #2 gave me the "I really love oral" line that usually is the telltale sign that a guy is small so I was surprised when he definitely was not. However, he could only last for 30 seconds. Disappointing.

Nick wears baggy pants as well and I told Mike that when I met him, I tried hard to size him up. Yet, you all know how the clouds parted and the heavens sang when I met him, so I didn't lay as much importance into size as time went on. And, he is of average size, yet totally knows what the heck he is doing. Which just makes me realize the old saying is true, "it's not the size that matters, it's how you use it."

Would you agree?