It wasn't long after I set up my online dating profile that I received my first email from a potential date. I first looked at his picture--great smile, looked to be in shape and appeared to have hair and all of his own teeth. He passed test #1. The email was short and to the point, he liked my pictures and wanted to get to know me. So we exchanged emails, moved onto instant messenger and finally transitioned to talking on the phone. I was convinced this was going to be an awesome guy.Being a new fish in the sea of dating, I wasn't savvy to the ways in which dating had changed. The last time I had gone on a date had been 10 years ago, so not realizing it at the time, I was very green regarding honesty and the ways in which guys would test the boundaries.
Mistake #1: Guys don't always post current pictures. That athletic build and head full of hair that I saw in the picture? Yeah, not so much when I met him in person. I was disappointed, but trying not to be shallow (my friends often say I am), I chose to look past that, however I recognized as time has gone on, that this is very common in the online dating world.
Mistake #2: People lie about their job status and income. Naturally you want to make sure a guy is financially secure (or at least understands the word J.O.B.), but be forewarned, guys like to embellish a little. Such as this guy. His dating profile said he was a manager at a car dealership making $80K a year. However, he forgot to mention that he had been laid off for over a year since creating the profile. He wasn't the first to do this.
Mistake #3: Guys tell you what you want to hear. If you come across a profile that says, "likes to cuddle and hold hands," please move on! Would any person of the masculine variety really say that out loud? Certainly not. But they have quickly learned that it's what women want to hear. Sure in reality it may be true (but many times not), but I want to read what the guy wants to tell me, not what he thinks I want to hear.
These are just a few mistakes I learned from that initial suitor that I would find repeated again and again over the course of searching for the perfect mate. Have you encountered the same?
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2 comments:
Beware of the edited, arty, or black and white pictures! Almost as bad as the massively out of date ones. My friend, aged 23 at the time had an encounter with a guy claiming to be 32. His picture was from that time, but he was now 42 with a LOT LESS HAIR and generally very aged looking. No hot daddy type. He also chose a cafe and table in view of his workmates..and was sure to wave up to them, pointing at my poor friend! Oh dear. It ended badly, enough said.
I've met up with one guy who had a grossly edited profile photo, in profile... i.e. not showing his lopsided glory. Sounds awfully shallow, but we have to be realistic? If you are going to approach girls that aren't mishapen, really, you should post an honest photo of yourself - as it's likely to lead to an unsuccessful date anyway. He also happened to be a bit weird in other respects, odd mannerisms, etc... And we later broke off contact when he started dating a 15 year old. Enough said.
To be honest, I am more inclined to meet people if they seem up for friendship, and less inclined to meet them if they merely compliment my appearance, or if they compliment my appearance at all... a lot of the time. A couple of people I met "as friends" ended up being short term boyfriends... Which is where the next two tips come from.
1) Beware of their pasts: one was a divorcee, who exaggerated the length of time the relationship had been "dead". The guy was a coward, insisting he cared, leading me on massively, but in the end not even wanting to be friends once I'd made it clear my feelings were dead (and they are... I don't go for emotionally immature men as boyfriend material, though have plenty of friends who are short-term exes).
2) Not all their interests are listed on their profile. Most common problem - the spiritualists or conspiracy theorists. Freaky people, that don't say so on their profile.
3) Beware when the mother loves you, and is nervously optimistic about seeing you again. She hopes you will get his life in order, and he will then stop sponging off her. If only I had read this correctly at the time...
Good luck...
oh my heavens to the 15 year old. That is creepy.
And you are right about #2 here, guys always make sure to leave out the freaky stuff.
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