Dating Advice: How Do I Know if He is Over His Ex?

There was this guy I had been dating for a few months that I found often talked about his ex-wife. At first, I found it excessive, but not unusual since they did have a son together. However, I should've realized something was amiss when he told me she lived 2 streets over from him. (Red flag #1.)

For the most part, he always came to my house, but I'll never forget the first time I went to his. I always like looking in a guy's room and visually taking it in; I feel like the condition of someone's room says a lot about them. His room should've told me in a very loud voice, "Get the hell out of here and run far far away."

I noticed a picture on his bureau of himself, his son and a pretty brunette. The first few times I came to his house I noticed it, but said nothing hoping that the girl was his sister. He did tell me after all, that he had been divorced for 3 years. Then one night, he decided he wanted to "share" with me and took out photo albums and a box of pictures from when he was younger. We were laughing at his shiny, silver shirts and coke bottle glasses until we got to his wedding pictures. I started to feel uncomfortable as he began to reminisce and I began to realize the girl in the picture frame in his bedroom was his ex-wife.

The next time I came out to his house the one picture of her had grown to 3, one of which was a very large portrait. My eyebrows began to furl as I questioned why he would have pictures of his ex in his bedroom. He blew me off and told me that his son had put them there and he just never took them down. It began to become very apparent to me that despite it being 3 years post divorce, he was in no way over his ex.

I was in denial of that because I really liked this guy and I think a lot of women make this same mistake. We want to hope that we are good enough that he will see that we rank in awesomeness above the ex. But the fact is, if a guy is still hung up on his ex, then he is not worthy of you. Do not waste your time trying to make him see the light, because he won't see it until it is too late. In fact, after I dumped this guy, 4 months later he sent me a text: "You are a phenomenal woman and I am a real asshole." I didn't respond, but surely I wanted to tell him he was right on both accounts.

So how do you know if he is over ex? When his focus squarely falls on you. (And he doesn't have pictures of her in his bedroom!)