How Do I Know It'll be a Bad Date?

Several months ago a guy contacted me through my dating profile. He had no picture attached, but was willing to text it to me. I don't like giving out my # before I've actually met someone, so I asked my cousin if she minded being the go-between. Soon enough the guy sent over his picture, left a message on my cousin's cell and she was quickly forwarding to me with, "This guy sounds nice." I honestly wasn't that interested, but I always date the wrong guys and decided maybe I should not trust my own judgment this time.

I ended up giving J* my cell number and before I knew it, he was texting up a storm.

Bad Date clue #1: He texts you like nobody's business, 24/7. Just as girl's come across as needy when they text back instantaneously, constant texting from a guy says he is aggressive and a quick mover.

I like attention, so I certainly didn't mind all of the texts at the time. However in hindsight, I can completely see how this only laid the groundwork for how quickly this little dating saga would end.

Bad Date clue #2: The text and phone conversation quickly turned to sex talk. Like I mentioned before, sex talk too soon is a definite turn off (and should send up red flags!) If a guy respects you, he'll tread lightly here not jump in with both feet and verbally grope you.

I am big time flirtacious, but I always know when to draw the line. This guy apparently did not.

I finally agreed to go out to the movies with him on a Friday night, but on the night before around 12am he called me and asked to come over because "I really can't wait to see you." If I recall correctly, I mixed rolling my eyes with a little bit of "wow, that's sweet."

Bad Date clue #3: The booty call. I obviously wasn't thinking when he asked to come over so late at night. If a guy really likes you, he will respect that you actually need to sleep and ask to see you during normal hours.

So at 1am he showed up at my house, he was OK looking, obviously those weren't current pictures. We sat on the couch and talked with the TV on. That's when I noticed blue and red flashing lights reflecting in the room and looked out the window. The local police were in front of my house and appeared to have pulled someone over. We shrugged it off.

Bad Date clue #4: He forgot what he learned in driver's ed.

20 minutes later I realized the lights were still flashing. I joked, "Maybe they need to call for backup if it's taking this long." We looked out the window again, only for me to arch my neck slightly and ask, "Isn't that your car in the middle of the street?" He squinted then his eyes got big, "Yes!" We sprint up the stairs and he quickly walks over to the Officers. I cover my mouth upon seeing his car in the middle of the road, blocking both ways of traffic. He forgot to put his parking brake on.

Bad Date clue #5: He is cheap. Enough said.

I overhear the police say, "You can't park here. We're issuing you a fine for illegal parking." J explains that he didn't park there, but that his parking brake wasn't on and the car slide down the incline of my driveway. They appear not to believe him and hand him the fine. He comes into the house, we laugh about the situation and then he hands me the fine. He said, "I don't have the money this week to pay it, can you pay it and I will give you half tomorrow?" The fine was only $25.

Bonus Bad Date clue: Believe in symbolism. A skunk means he stinks.

We head back downstairs and he tries every way he can to get my clothes off. I make it pretty clear that I am not that kind of girl. Eventually, he gives up and decides it's time to leave. I walk him out to his car and he kisses me goodbye. I suddenly hear rustling in the leaves next to us. I slowly open one eye as I continue to kiss him and say, "Do not move. There is a skunk next to us." We very carefully turn our heads away from each other to see a very large skunk walking around about 3 feet away.

Needless to say, he showed up for the date at the movies the next night, but left me halfway through for the bathroom, returned about 20 minutes later and at the end of the date gave me a "hug" goodnight. I never heard from him again. A skunk indeed.