Awkward Silence

After Friday night and Saturday night spent together, when Nick left Sunday morning, I wondered to myself if he should come back as I didn't want him to see me so much that he got tired of me. I told him if he wanted to go out with his friends that night, I'd be fine with it, but he insisted he was coming back.

When he returned that evening, I was glad because I really like him, but after the weirdness that occurred as the night progressed, I think I should've pushed a bit more for him to only see me the following weekend. I feel like the "novelty" of me may have worn off.

He had made us a nice dinner and while we ate he began talking about the renovations I want to do to my house. I found myself giving excuses as to why I didn't want to take any of his suggestions or why a particular renovation just wouldn't work. He shook his head at me and told me I was being too negative.

Then a client began to text him to come fix a leaking pipe at her house (she tried to complete his work without him and messed it up.) It was obvious that he was annoyed and agitated, but it seemed to carry on for more than it should. We had plans to go out to the movies, but now it looked like he was going to have to take care of her water emergency. Then he became quiet and we just sat there eating without saying a word.

I finally decided an apology for my negativity surrounding his house suggestions was in order because I completely knew why I was doing it. I got up from my seat, walked over to him, sat on his lap and put my arms around his neck and sighed.

"I'm sorry about making it seem like your ideas are impossible. I just don't like planning things like this. Getting excited about how things can be fixed or an addition to my house, you know? Because I don't want to get my hopes up and then possibly be disappointed if they don't happen."

"I see."

Basically I'm afraid to make a plan that he and I are going to do something big, like fix my house, only to have it not happen because our relationship goes south. It happened to me before and it is a big let down.

He's quiet from there on out and he unconvincingly tells me that nothing is wrong. We drive to the client's house in silence, he goes inside and I sit in my car for 20 minutes. Once he is back in the car, he texts the rest of the time without saying a word to me. I debate taking the exit for my house and just call an end to the night. I keep feeling like I did something wrong.

Walking into the theater he keeps his distance and doesn't say a word. We sit in an empty theater and stare blankly at the screen.

I finally say, "Please tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing," he says staring straight ahead.

"Well usually you are all affectionate and talking to me and you haven't said a word and you won't even hold my hand."

He looks at me and says, "Well you haven't said anything either though."

"You're going to make me cry." And I was serious because there is no worse feeling than knowing the person you care about is upset about something and not knowing what it is.

5 minutes into the movie he grabs my hand and puts his arm around me and says, "I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to." And things went back to the way they were pre-client call without any further explanation.

Later that night he tells me he was just upset over the client and felt it was better to be quiet than to keep complaining and being negative. But his reaction and the way he dealt with it is what makes me concerned. As someone who truly believes in communication (even when it means discussing why I acted or said something a certain way), it bothers me that he would shut down communication with me over something that was not caused by me.

I explain to him that I am a fixer and that when I fear something is wrong, I set out to make things right. I let him know that he hurt my feelings when his silence and withdrawal made me feel like I did something wrong. He apologizes again and says he is tired and just wants to go to bed. It was clear that there would be no further "interaction" that night, which sorry, if you close the door to sex after a night of weirdness, it further prompts paranoia. No guy says no to sex unless something is wrong.

My alarm goes off Monday morning and he literally, I mean literally, jumps up out of bed and puts his clothes on. I laugh at the awkwardness of what he just did and he cracks a smile. 15 minutes later he is telling me he would be heading home. Says he doesn't want to be at my house when my ex shows up and explains, "I don't want you to think I am running away, because I'm not."

Yet I cannot help but feel like he is already gone.