You Know When You Know

"I have never felt so strongly about someone this quickly before."

"Well, it's been what? 5 months since you've dated anyone? You're just lonely."

"Nice, thanks."

"I just mean..."

"I'm trying to say how I feel and you are trying to shut it down."

He's right. All of the creepy guys I have dated since the heartbreaker that have come on strong so soon, I just bolted. But they were creepy and Nick is not. And I completely deflect all of his talk of feelings for me with a joke because I don't really want him to know I feel the same way too. I mean we all know that the second I saw him it was like Cupid hit me with 100 arrows. And sure, I tend to fall into strong like with someone within a matter of weeks easily (Mike will attest to that from all of my discussions about my dates with him,) but in my short lifetime so far, only a handful of people were love at first sight.

There was Chris, who was a blind date. I knew when I met him that I'd be dating him for a while. We were together for a year before he unfortunately joined a gang (nice, right?) and they told him to end it with me because I wasn't part of the "inner circle." I was only 17 and he was my first love.

Then William, who came to a barn fire I was at. He was walking up the driveway and I distinctly remember the glow of the fire on his face and thinking I was going to marry him. It ended 3 years later, but we were both only 21 and not ready for eternal commitment. (Ok, that's not true, he wasn't ready, I certainly was.)

Then my ex-husband, I met him with family around and told them he was the guy I was going to marry. 2 weeks after meeting me he told me he was in love with me and a year later we were married. We were together for 12 years.

I totally stand by the saying, you know when you know. And I know that Nick knows this about me already without even saying that 4 letter word. He says everything but that. And I know that I know, but I'm afraid to tell him that. Simply because I'm afraid to crash and burn...again.