It was around this time last year that my 3-month relationship with the guy who was still in love with his ex was coming to an end, followed by a 2 week short dating stint and then when I least expected it, I came into contact with the heartbreaker. Today while attempting to decrease the ginormous amounts of emails in my inbox, I came upon a voicemail from him. My stomach turned as I dared to click play and hear "love you" come out of my speakers. It made me realize some fears I have found myself facing with Nick.
You see, Nick is incredibly wonderful. He is thoughtful, caring, generous, giving, sensitive, polite, funny, warm, intense and everything I could ever want. And that's the thing, I think to myself (often) this is what I want and don't ever want to let go. He met my family last weekend and they loved him. We've already talked about how, eventually, he will meet my kids. And when we talk, we seem to be picture framing snapshots in our minds of us 50 years from now.
I am so happy...but incredibly scared. The heartbreaker made so many promises to me. To love me unconditionally and to never leave.
One letter from him read:
"to my dearest and most loving girlfriend that I love so much, I'm never gonna leave you. I love your kids, I love your family. I thank God for putting you in the path of my life. I will always love you for who you are and thank you for what you do for me. You are an incredible woman. I can't wait till the day comes where I will see you everyday. When I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, I want to see your beautiful face, your beautiful eyes looking into mine. I don't think you really know how much you mean to me. I will be saying the same thing 50 yrs from now..."But yet, exactly 1 month later he was leaving me for someone else (of which he is still with to this day.) So, I sit here trying very hard not to be scared that eventually Nick will leave or that his promises are not well thought out. Wanting to be able to feel the security in his words that he loves me, yet not let my fears of abandonment sabotage everything.
Have you been there? Did you successfully overcome it?
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_b.png?x-id=1b7dcf7e-aa04-470d-ba1c-6e7cd9b8b45e)
Posts
5 comments:
Oh I've been there! It is so hard to give your heart to someone when it's been shat on and ripped to tiny little pieces.
I don't think my heart will ever be the same after my experience, but I stay positive and hold on to the fact that not all men out there are arseholes!
Kate x
http://search-for-the-perfect10.blogspot.com
If you hear anything like that again...
I would suggest making him get a tattoo of it on his forehead. Maybe then he will be a little more cautious/considerate with your emotions.
(unfortunately, that would leave me with a lot tattoos)
I struggle with it but for other reasons than you. I believe I can scare myself into flaking, and have to work to avoid it. So far so good.
It's scary to leave yourself out there but I think there's a "middle ground" somewhere. Without making too much plans for the future, and just taking things as the days come, I wouldn't say it keeps the expectations down but at least there's not a whole heap of promises lingering in the background. Promises can lay stress on a new relationship and at least for me it's better to only give those promises in the near future you know you can keep. I think you should consider talking to him about this, keeping feelings and thoughts from eachother can create barriers, and carrying those by yourself can make you feel lonely in your relationship.
I hope you figure out a good way to bridge your problems, and that everything works out for you.
I'm there right now. In fact the new guy in my life is named Nick as well and we're almost to the 3 month mark too. Eerie...
The story with my ex is similar to yours in that he was promising me forever moments before he broke up with me. Days before our 5 year anniversary when I was hoping (okay, expecting) a ring, he ended it. It did some damage. I look at my Nick and wonder if I can really believe everything he says, all the kinds words and talk of the future, his feelings...or if it's all bullshit just like with my ex.
I have no advice as I am in it right now. I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one who feels like this. Good luck to you. Trust your gut. : )
Pretty much, it's the goddamn hardest thing ever. When I started dating my current boyfriend, when he asked for us to become "official", I told him that if I gave him my heart that he couldn't smash it or put it in a blender to punch it to bits. What does this mean? That when something happens I am going to be even more upset because I said that. WTF
Post a Comment
Posting a comment only validates my awesomeness. Thanks for the contribution to my big ego. ;)