When reading a post yesterday from Simone Grant of Sex, Lies and Dating in the City about chemistry, it got me wondering, do men and women size each other up differently upon initially meeting? I know that I have a line of thought when initial contact is made and I'd love your input if you follow the same (or different) thought process.When looking at an online dating profile: Immediately look at picture (Is he good looking, would I sleep with him?), look at his description (Is he smart? Can he write complete sentences?), look at age and marital status (over 40 & never been married=commitmentphobe, under 40 & claims he's been married 3 times=looking for miss perfect, never been married w/party pics=he'll never settle down.)
Initial contact by phone: Take in the sound of his voice (Can it make me melt like a stick of butter?), how he chooses his words (Does he think before speaking or simply speak his mind?), is he funny (a sense of humor makes me want to have sex with you.)
First date: Look him over from head to toe in 10 seconds (Is he someone I would have sex with?), gauge interaction (Is there chemistry between us?), notice his smile and his eyes (do they say "I want to sex you up" or "I am truly kind-hearted"?), take note of how being around him makes me feel (Am I comfortable enough to think I would want this long term?)
So in a primal sense, my first thought always goes to sex initially. Because if I can't envision myself having sex with you, then I can't see myself in a relationship with you (I'm not a nun after all.) And sure, most of these first thoughts are very surface and shallow, but I think that is what we all do. I mean, who is really thinking "I wonder what his stock portfolio looks like," am I right? (Unless you are a gold digger, then Ok, I get it.)
So what is the thought process you follow when sizing someone up?
Posts
9 comments:
i guess i never quite thought bout it properly if i even had an actual thought process. i kinda just look for the usual things such as physical attractiveness, sense of humour, chemistry and eloquence. physical attractiveness is important 'coz i once went out on a first date with a guy that i was NOT attracted to AT ALL and when he touched my arm, i literally felt like i jumped 3 feet to get away!
My first thought upon meeting is, 'Would she get on my nerves?'
And women always love my voice. It's the wanting to have sex with me bit I slip up on.
*Read about my dating disasters at plentymorefishoutofwater*
I tend to find men grow on me so it is really are they witty and interesting. Then if so do they have a nice voice and smile and then is there a spark. Clearly I am demanding!
Kate x
I would be looking at his sense of humour, both giving and receiving. I think that's a big indication of how well we'd get along.
I just found this blog, it's great! I love your honesty. I live on the other side of the Atlantic, but it all rings true.
I've been trying out various dating sites (mainstream like eHarmony, free like plentyoffish, hip like OKCupid) and just came across one called "HerWay," where women can contact men, but not vice versa. The claims are it empowers women to be more confident, and forces guys to really try their best in their profiel writing. Have you heard anything about this site?
(in answer to your comment, cliche as it is sense of humor can get me in the sack too. it's like the ultimate aphrodisiac... and also he can NOT have small fingers, those creep me out.)
Over and out!
i don't know how a girl doesn't assess the superficial qualities in a guy. how a guy looks, his presence, his voice, his mannerisms, the way he walks: it all adds up to whether or not i feel a spark. there are certainly a lot of qualities that nail it down in the end, but first impressions are pretty superficial and, most often, i've found them to be right.
by the way, i love this post.
When I was checking out the online dating sites, it was grammar, spelling and punctuation that I looked at first. Sad, but true!
Jo: haha--this has happened to me too!
Fishy: That may due to you rubbing one off in someone's bathroom while they sleep. ;)
Kate & The Girl: Humor is big for me too, who needs Mr. Serious after all?
Allison: People don't want to admit they are superficial up front, but I have no problem admitting it. ;)
Kelly: As a writer, grammar is big for me. Nick is killing me with his super bad spelling!
Love this post!
I go straight for the profile, read the first couple of sentences and if I'm still inerested, I read the message and if I'm STILL interested, I respond. :)
Post a Comment
Posting a comment only validates my awesomeness. Thanks for the contribution to my big ego. ;)